It’s Christmas Day, but the sun is always shining over the Floribama Shore. Or is it?
In a shocking turn of events, this week’s episode doesn’t pick up with a bar brawl. It does, however, pick up with something equally unpleasant: Codi attempting to justify insulting Aimee’s appearance at the end of a long, drunken night because, as he puts it, “this is f—ing America. Everybody judges everybody on a f—ing look-to-look basis.”
Thankfully, we don’t have to listen to his nonsense for much longer and the focus quickly shifts to a far more intriguing plot line: Nilsa and her barrel-chested freedom fighter, a.k.a. Josh, Jeremiah’s brother.
After sharing a wild night with him in her twin bed, Nilsa wakes up with a mysterious pattern of bruises on her arm. She insists she doesn’t remember anything but kissing from the night before, but a flashback reveals that the bruises were a side effect of hooking up with Josh, whose mouth is apparently a human vacuum.
Gus — clearly still salty that he dropped $150 to take Nilsa out and got absolutely nowhere with her — snidely points out that “you don’t make animal noises like that when you’re just kissing” and proceeds to act out, position by position, everything he witnessed Nilsa and Josh doing the night before. Nice one, Gus — that’ll definitely win her over!
Nilsa, obviously, sees right through it and doesn’t let it get to her. That’s our girl. “I think Gus might still have a little thing for me, and that’s why he picks on me as much as he does,” she says with a smirk. “Like, I would be jealous of Josh, too, if I were him.”
Aimee’s first brunch
Aimee doesn’t know what brunch is. Somewhere, a mimosa-wielding girl in her 20s just choked on her avocado toast.
Sadly, Aimee’s inaugural brunch ends up being a huge bummer. It’s just her and Nilsa, and it’s the morning after Kirk and Codi — for no apparent reason other than the fact that they were butt-hurt that Aimee said she loved them like brothers, and wasn’t attracted to either of them — decided to tell her that they wouldn’t have sex with her even if she was the last woman on earth.
Though she had pretty much brushed it off the night before, Aimee admits to Nilsa that the boys “dogging” on her really hurt her feelings. Eventually, she dissolves into tears and reveals that her ex of 10 years, the one who cheated on her and got someone else pregnant, is — surprise — a really terrible guy who regularly fat-shamed her and insulted her appearance.
“I just have like, super low self-esteem,” she admits. “I look at all the other girls in the house, and they’re so skinny and they have perfect white teeth. I’m not like that. I wish I could love myself, but I don’t know how. I’m trying.”
When they return to the house after brunch, Aimee tells Kirk and Codi that their digs cut pretty deep, and both of the guys apologize. And turns out, Codi was just butt-hurt — because as he sheepishly confesses, Aimee is actually his “kind of girl.” Codi, if you’re reading this:
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A sober hunch
When everyone retreats to bed that night, Nilsa has one thing on her mind and one thing only. She’s determined to have a good sober “hunch” (Floribama-speak for sex) with her barrel-chested freedom fighter, to make up for the fact that the two were “hot drunk messes” the night before.
And what a hunch it is. Once again, Josh rocks Nilsa’s world and whispers sweet nothings into her ear, like this:
Josh: I think you’re a lot more than just big boobs.
Nilsa: What about my butt?
Josh: Oh, your butt’s f—ing fantastic.
Nilsa: Thanks. You’re sweet.
And they say romance is dead!
Aimee Appreciation Day
The next morning, Josh has to leave, presumably to go beat his barrel chest and fight for freedom, or whatever it is that he does. Nilsa is sad to see him go, but she quickly turns her attention to an important task at hand: To lift Aimee’s spirits, the housemates decide to celebrate “Aimee Appreciation Day,” which is exactly what it sounds like.
After cooking her a full breakfast, Nilsa, Kortni and Candace take Aimee out to get mani/pedis. Jeremiah and Kirk head off to buy Aimee a corsage (she’ll later refer to it as her “croissant”), and that evening, the crew surprises Aimee with dinner at one of Panama City Beach’s finest strip malls.
The whole thing is actually incredibly heartwarming. And guess what? It turns out that Aimee was destined to be, in her own words, “bad and boujee” — because anyone who knows how to order steak and lobster can appreciate the finer things in life.
Don’t bet on it
But lest we forget, this is Floribama Shore, after all. These housemates only coexist for so long, and the following morning, a new arrival disrupts the peace entirely.
Enter Katrina, one Nilsa’s friends from home. Katrina is very attractive and enjoys talking about how horny she gets when she drinks. As a result, the guys in the house lose all chill — and any ability to maintain eye-level contact — whenever she’s around.
Jeremiah and Gus are both particularly taken with Katrina. At first, it’s just a little friendly competition — until Nilsa learns from Codi that the two are “betting” on who can hook up with Katrina first. Nilsa informs Katrina, and all hell breaks loose.
“Now I realize,” says Codi with a sigh, “that you can’t really talk to females about guy talk.”
Once an idiot sandwich, always an idiot sandwich.
Floribama Shore airs Mondays (10 p.m. ET) on MTV.