It was inevitable. The Bachelor (and its many spinoffs) have finally broken Chris Harrison. He’s got nothing left to give, no more drama to stir up, no more cheer to spread. In a Facebook Live broadcast announcing the 31 men set to vie for Rachel Lindsay’s heart in the new Bachelorette season, Chris Harrison really proved that he has — capital G, capital U — Given Up. Don’t hire the Bachelorette host to be your wingman. If Wednesday’s Facebook Live was any indication, he will be very, very bad at it. Here are the five shadiest side comments Chris Harrison said during what, by all accounts, should have been a very fun Facebook Live segment.
DeMario, 30, an executive recruiter from Century City, CA
“DeMario is smooth,” Harrison says. “Maybe too smooth. Maybe, just maybe, he’s not here for the right reasons.”
Blake E., 31, an aspiring drummer from Marina del Rey, CA
“Let’s look at Blake, who is 31 years old. Aspiring drummer. Um …” and Chris Harrison takes a long, shady pause here. “I’m an aspiring rock singer, but I think at some point — at 31 — you’re just gonna have to call it a hobby. You can’t say you’re aspiring anymore … It just didn’t happen. But we’ll deal with that later.”
Eric, 29, a personal trainer from Los Angeles, CA
“Then there’s Eric. Shocking that he’s a personal trainer,” Harrison says. “We don’t have many personal trainers or models on the show. We wanted to try something new and have a personal trainer on the show. Can you tell I was joking there?”
Jonathan, 31, a tickle monster from New Smyrna Beach, FL
“Jonathan. 31 years old. Jonathan’s a tickle monster.” Long pause. “What? You don’t know what this is, are you Googling it? I know what you’re thinking! Creepy Uncle Bob who maybe touches too much. It’s not really that. It’s affectionate; it’s actually endearing.”
Fred, 27, an executive assistant from Dallas, TX
“So you know how you all went to camp when you were kids? And, of course, you have a crush on your camp counselor. Right? It happened to all of us,” Harrison says. It’s a cutesy story: Fred had a crush on his camp counselor in elementary school, and that camp counselor just happened to be Rachel. “She was his grade-school crush … I think that’s a great story. It could be a Disney story, or it could be a complete disaster.” Okay, Chris, geez. Don’t blow up his spot like this.